Fourth Night

Warning, this message may make some uncomfortable. I think the things I'm going through, everyone has been through at some point but it may be to much info for some.

The fear of an empty house is subsiding but I'm still not sleeping well. I had some crazy dreams last night and the night before. Still I double check all the doors a hundred times, pull the shades closed.

I've also not managed to get out job hunting yet either. I've done quite a lot online, and most big retail stores prefer you do it online and take their hour long questionnaires anyway. I'm keeping a list of ones I can think of that don't have online application processes. So far 2 corporations don't accept online apps for anything below store managers, and 2 others don't accept online applications unless you use windows & IE. Strange...

The cravings are getting better, but the loneliness is not. Sometimes it's overwhelming and I start to think irrationally. "Nobody Cares" or "Everyone's Happy, why can't I be?" Late at night, it's hard to break out of that pattern of thinking. During the day I know what it is, depression. I think I have every reason to be depressed, and I'm not ashamed. I'd be more ashamed if I was trying to hide it. Still it does chase people away typically, so it's really good at spiraling out of control. I just have to be careful, pay attention and try to find a way to break it.

Lastly, am caught up on Castle now. A new show starring Nathan Fillion who is just awesome in the role. I never saw any of the other shows he's been in since Firefly but this one is good. The mother and daughter are also well cast and written characters but I'm not sure about anyone else really. They seem overshadowed by those 3.