4th of July

Happy 4th of July! Most of today wasn't too bad, and we did hear fireworks which we think were lit at the national park but didn't see any. Though I'm too tired to really be excited about it. I had a 2, then 4 hour nap on Friday, then a 1 then 4 hour nap on Saturday.

I stayed up with Mom again last night. She actually slept well but when she woke up at 6am she tried to walk to the bathroom by herself and got weak and called for help. She wasn't in pain or nauseous though so I thought today might be ok for her. Then she tried to get up again at 9 but by the time she called me for help her legs were already giving out and I barely got to her before she fell. I grabbed her arms and tried to move her towards the chair we put in the hallway so she could rest but she didn't even make a step before she fell. She busted her knee pretty good, it's all scraped up.

I spent the early morning cleaning the kitchen and upstairs bathroom then decided to go get some coffee from the grocery store before it closed. There wasn't much of a selection so I picked up some regular columbian dark roast along with some chili powder, chocolate flavored non-dairy creamer and a cinnamon grinder. My brother, G, asked me to get him a hazelnut coffee. There was a farmer's market being held at the middle school in town with big signs for the apple orchard that's near the house but I didn't check it out. I picked up some lunch at the diner and went back to the house.

The ditches in the road and at the end of the driveway are much wider than they were last time I went out. Any further and the jeep may not make it across either. The driveway is in really good condition still so I'm pleased with that at least. I would have gone out to do some yard work and maybe fill the ditches in a bit but it kept pouring rain off an on all day. Driving back from town it was coming down in sheets of water and then stopped and got sunny. I'll take more pictures of the ditches and try to see if the town maintenance crew can fix it soon.

I had a long talk with my friend, R, who's leaving to go take care of her grandfather for maybe a year in Guam on Monday. We had a good long talk, which isn't hard to do with her because she can talk for hours but we actually discussed a lot of things. Including our other friend, AR, who told me today that she'd found messages on her boyfriends ps3 account from some girl he talks to while she's at work all day or sleeping at night, even telling the girl that he will talk to her later because AR was home and awake. Very sleazy, especially since he freaks out about checking who she's talking to, even if it's me he's sometimes picked up the phone to make sure. She didn't mention any messages about cheating but she said he lied to her about the girl and the messages were more caring and supportive than he's ever been with her.

I've always thought he was an asshole, I never liked him for her. She knows that but I respect that it's her choice to be with him. AR was going to confront him about the messages but since her phone and internet have been cut off for the last 3 weeks (because he hasn't worked in almost a year) I don't know what happened. I suggested that she try to figure out what she wants from him before she talks to him, so that she can stick to it despite any attempts from him to argue, lie or yell about it. Whether she decided to ask him to delete his ps3 account, or to leave the apartment, I don't know. I only suggested that she be sure of what she wants and not let him talk her down. She's been fed up with him for a long time now so I'm hoping this gets him out of her life so she can focus on herself and her daughter. I'm worried about her tonight :(

Mom has had a rough night despite her relatively good night last night and today. She started crying in pain and threw up. Then started calling G "daddy" and calling out for her mom. Both of her parents are dead and this is the same thing she did after her anuerism back in 2001. She's also been asking us to kill her, or threatening to take all of her pills. I know she's in pain and I don't think she really means it but either way she's killing herself by not following the doctor's instructions. It's a fight to get her to eat anything, to take all of her pills and eye drops or even to drink something other than diet coke all day. I'm pretty sure her stomach is a wreck right now from all the medicine she takes, lack of food and acids from the diet coke. Hell diet coke makes my stomach burn if I have more than a couple.

I talked to G for awhile tonight about what will happen when I find a job and leave here. He said that mom is really tired of the tenant in Virginia, that he hasn't responded about her demand that he get training from the AC/Heating maintenance company about the proper operation and cleaning of it. She just had to pay a huge fee and repair cost because he hadn't been cleaning the filter every month since he moved in to the house in March. He refused to let G show him how to do it when he came to go over the house and get the keys. He has until July 30th to show proof that he's completed the training. If he doesn't, then he will have to move out by July 31st because my mother notified him on June 30th that she wants him out of the house if he doesn't. I told G that I couldn't really plan for that to happen because he may do the training and if I get a job offer that I feel is decent I will be taking it.

I suggested to him that we find a nurse aide or some other type of health aide because it's been crazy dealing with the house and mom even with both of us here and that he deserves to have a break sometimes. He kind of resisted the idea saying that if he was here anyway then he doesn't mind doing it. I brought up the fact that he can't even mow the lawn when mom is bad, much less do grocery shopping or any other chore. He's also trying to get into college in the fall to get a teaching license and would be away for most of the day for that. I suggested that even if he's home, it would be good for him to be able to get things done and trust that mom is taken care of, and also to get to know the aide and get them aquainted with mom's routines before he's gone for school all day. It would also be good for mom to not have to rely soley on G for everything. At times she feels really guilty and depressed about her kids having to carry her or clean up after her. So really it would be good for both of them to get some space sometimes.

It's really up to G and Dad though. G will be the one dealing with mom and the aide and dad would be the one paying for it. I just think it's the best option so I hope they really consider it. We still don't know if mom will be up for traveling on Thursday.

While I was writing this I heard her footsteps and went to go see what she was doing. She was halfway down the stairs to get a soda. :( Given how bad she's been walking today that could have been a trip to the emergency room or worse. She blames me for "letting" her fall earlier today. She didn't tell me that but told G. So she refused my help back to her room. Things like that really piss me off but her brain is broken from the strokes, on top of her original stubborn personality and the pain and medications now, I can't really hold it against her.